Alice’s note: This story first appeared in my blog The Bright Lights of Muleshoe on July 25, 2022. I was doing some much needed cleaning and weeding out of things saved and long forgotten and came across an old email that I had to just sit down and read to decide if I would keep it or throw it away. I am glad I stopped to read it because it made me laugh and lightened my mood. I hope you find it humorous as well. At least some of it!

The three things that happened at the same time for us last week, “A Working Refrigerator, Nine New Windows, and an Old Dog Recuperating: Life is Good!”, put me in cleaning mode. So the time had come to tackle the filing cabinet drawers, among other things, that I had been avoiding for too long. And if I could clean them out enough, then I could put all the stuff that had collected on my desk in those drawers, and my desktop would still look nice and clean like it did when I moved all that stuff off for the window installation.

And what I found while cleaning was a walk back in time that I had no idea I would go on. I found stuff I had long forgotten about, couldn’t remember even having to begin with, had kept for sentimental reasons, and in a lot of cases, wondered why in the world I kept it in the first place.

That stuff, however, is another story. One found item I will share with you today is the two pages of church bulletin comments that didn’t really say what they intended and turned out to be pretty funny.

My friend Jenice Williamson sent them in 2008 via email.

I retyped the web address for the site where Jenice found these faux pas, or non sequiturs, not sure that either of those labels actually fit, but was told the site was not available, so I can’t give credit to the person who collected them in the first place.  I can remember seeing items like this in Reader’s Digest  long ago; don’t know if they still use them or not, but they are funny because they were typed innocently, not realizing how the final statement would sound. And these comments really are the real deal-ya’ can’t make this stuff up! as the saying goes. Silly things like this really do make it into church bulletins and church marques. I guess some church secretaries don’t know about proofreading to catch these little mistakes. And sometimes proofreading doesn’t catch everything-and I speak from experience on that!

So here are some that made me giggle the most:

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Our youth basketball team’s back in action Wednesday night. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don’t let worry kill you off-let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their schools days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM-prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 M. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours.”

You may not think these are funny, but they gave me something to laugh about after being sentimental and sad over all the other things I was throwing away that day. Hope they gave you a smile as well.

Thanks for sending this email all those years ago, Jenice.

To see pictures and the full article, go to www.aliceliles.com.

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201 West Avenue C P.O. Box 449 Muleshoe, TX 79347